This Dark Endeavour by Kenneth Oppel
Summary: In the untold story of Victor Frankenstein’s early years, Victor is constantly competing with his older by two minutes twin, Konrad. Raised by liberal parents, Victor is taught to believe in science above all, but when Konrad falls suddenly falls ill and is close to death, Victor turns to alchemy for a cure. Seeking the help from an alchemist rumoured to have saved others, Victor and his friends gather ingredients for an elixir of life that he hopes will save his brother. Things are complicated by Victor’s inferiority complex and the love triangle that exists between both brothers and Elizabeth, a girl adopted by their parents and raised and educated along side them, but ultimately Victor will do anything to save Konrad from death.
Number of Pages: 298
Age Range: 14-16
Review: Twins. Now there’s a complicated relationship. Going back to the legendary story of Esau and Jacob in the Bible, where Jacob is born second, grasping Esau’s heel to when Jacob tricks his father into giving him the blessing due his first son by pretending to be Esau, there is the potential for a lot of conflict between twins. But imagine how much more intense that twin relationship is when the twins are identical.
I loved Kenneth Oppel’s dynamic between identical twin brothers Konrad and Victor Frankenstein. It’s as though together they make up one person, someone who is the best and the worst of what humanity has to offer. Konrad is good-natured and blessed with physical and intellectual talent. Victor, on the other hand, has a dark side and a deep resentment over the fact that while everything comes so easily to his brother, he has to work his hardest just to keep up.
When Victor finds out Elizabeth loves Konrad as well, it seems to break something in him. He wants what Konrad has, and doesn’t understand how Elizabeth can love one twin over another, especially because he believes Konrad doesn’t appreciate or know about her wild side, and her unconscious self seems to be drawn to Victor.
But Konrad’s illness and brush with death change everything. Despite his complex feelings toward his brother, what’s left under it all is brotherly love. Victor’s jealous and resentful of Konrad because deep down he wants to be more like him. Konrad is, in a way, the best version of himself. Thus, Victor sets out to save his brother through alchemy, as he sees that medical science isn’t going to be able to cure him. It just so happens that this introduction to alchemy combined with Konrad’s ultimate fate set Victor firmly on the path to becoming Doctor Frankenstein. Reading this book is kind of like watching a car accident in slow motion; you know what’s coming, but you can’t do anything to prevent it.
I loved the whole book, and I can’t wait to read Such Wicked Intent, Oppel’s sequel.
Memorable Quotes:
“‘I am still hopeful,’ he said calmly, ‘that the French will establish a peaceful republic like ours, which recognizes that all men were created equal.’
‘And all women, too,’ said Mother, then added tartly: ‘Equal to men, that is.’
‘Ah!’ Father said with a good-natured grin. ‘ And that, too, may come in time, my dear.’
‘It would come sooner,’ Mother said, ‘if the education of girls were not designed to turn them into meek, weak-minded creatures who waste their true potential.'” – Conversation between Victor’s Father and Mother from This Dark Endeavour by Kenneth Oppel, pages 125-126
“Seeing my brother so ill sparked in me feelings of such intensity that I was nearly overwhelmed. What if he didn’t recover? What if I were to lose him? Looking at him was like looking upon myself, seeing my own body racked with fever and pain.
And, even more strange, I felt anger. How could Konrad have allowed this to happen? How could someone so healthy and so smart and sensible, become so ill?
I was ashamed for having such thoughts.
And I was ashamed at how powerless I was to help him.” – Victor from This Dark Endeavour by Kenneth Oppel, page 40
“Once more he began to turn his wheelchair away.
‘It is my brother – ‘ I began, but my voice broke.
Polidori sighed. ‘I am very sorry to hear it,’ he said sadly. ‘It is always the way. I have seen it many, many times. When a loved one falls desperately ill, and all else fails, any risk is worth the taking.'” – Conversation between Victor and Polidori from This Dark Endeavour by Kenneth Oppel, page 73
“I did not feel so kindly toward Dr. Murnau anymore. A doctor cured people. If a cure was not certain, was it any cure at all?” Victor from This Dark Endeavour by Kenneth Oppel, page 128
This Dark Endeavour by Kenneth Oppel is published by HarperCollins Publishers, (2011).
Swimming in the Monsoon Sea by Shyam Selvadurai
Summary: Living with his mother’s best friend Bundle and her family since his parents died when he was six, fourteen year-old Amrith is left to piece together the mysteries of his past. Although his new family is very supportive, Amrith is still drawn to connect with his blood relatives when the uncle and cousin he never knew he had come visit Sri Lanka from Canada. Being around his older cousin Niresh opens up the past for Amrith, and also ends up revealing surprising truths about himself. Amrith’s anger over his sisters taking up Niresh’s precious time grows, but figuring out the reason for his jealousy leads to complicated and troubling actions on Amrith’s part. Somehow he must come to terms with himself, and find a way accept who he is.
Number of Pages: 274
Age Range: 17-18
Review: Is this truly a teen book? I have my reservations. Although it’s about a fourteen year-old named Amrith dealing with family secrets, identity issues, and fitting in, Shyam Selvadurai’s style of writing is adult. The story itself took a long time to develop, and while it moved pretty quickly for me after I reached the halfway point, it was still a long read. I was frustrated by unanswered questions about Amrith’s father and family, and I didn’t truly understand why Amrith’s uncle hated Amrith’s mother so much.
In the most stunning scene of the book, Amrith nearly drowns his adopted sister on purpose. He thinks it’s because he’s simply jealous of her taking his cousin Niresh’s time and attention, and it took me a while to realise that Amrith doesn’t understand what I did as a reader, that he was really jealous because he wanted Niresh to be attracted to him and not his sister. Niresh’s visit reveals to Amrith that he is attracted to other men. Living in Sri Lanka, Amrith doesn’t even know there’s a proper name for his attraction, but he does know that he needs to keep it a secret. Reading his story provided me with a different perspective, and I wanted to know more about what his life would be like after Amrith realised he was gay.
I appreciated the fact that Amrith had a family that loves him, even though he believes their love will only go so far. I sincerely hope he is wrong about that.
Memorable Quotes:
“Niresh leaned back in his seat and looked out of the window. ‘It’s just that when people comment on my accent, it makes me aware that I’m not Sri Lankan. I mean, I’m not Canadian and then, over here, I’m not Sri Lankan. I don’t belong anywhere.'” – Niresh from Swimming in the Monsoon Sea by Shyam Selvadurai, page 172
“Just by saying it out loud, just by admitting that it was so, Amrith felt the burden of his secret ease a little. It was all he could do for now. He would have to learn to live with this knowledge of himself. He would have to teach himself to be his own best friend, his own confidant and guide. The hope he held out to himself was that, one day, there would be somebody else he could share this secret with. But for now he must remain silent.” – Amrith from Swimming in the Monsoon Sea by Shyam Selvadurai, page 267
Swimming in the Monsoon Sea by Shyam Selvadurai is published by Tundra Books, (2005).
Somewhere in Blue by Gillian Cummings
Summary: After the Sandy’s father dies of cancer, Sandy is left with her mother, the usually absent part of their little family. Drowning in grief and depression, Sandy begins to pull away from school and her friends, isolating herself in her misery until she reaches her breaking point when she finds out some startling news from her mother. Sandy’s best friend Lennie does her best to reach her and support her through the grieving process, but when Lennie’s mother’s brother shows up in town, a lot of family issues come to the surface. Suddenly there’s an explanation for why Lennie’s mother goes through man after man from the bar, and why she has never mentioned her family before. Both girls have complicated mother/daughter relationships, and learning to open up and talk things through won’t be easy for either family. On Sandy’s part though, it has to begin with a decision to go on living.
Number of Pages: 334
Age Range: 16-18
Review: The first time I read Somewhere in Blue by Gillian Cummings, I thought it was about a girl named Sandy grieving the death of her father. Reading the same book for the second time today showed me that it was so much more than that.
First of all, it’s beautifully written. Cummings’ writing reads like poetry with memorable imagery and prose that flows like water. It’s one of those rare books where I wholeheartedly agreed with the comment on the cover. Author Tim Wynne-Jones writes: “There is such heart here. So many tints and shades of blue but all suffused with light.” I’ve included several memorable quotes so you can read and experience Cummings’ writing for yourself. At times, it is breath-taking.
Second, Somewhere in Blue is about family. Both Sandy and Lennie have complicated relationships with their mothers; one seems to be trying too hard and one doesn’t seem to be trying enough. In both cases, communication is the key to understanding, but it’s a difficult thing to achieve when there are secrets in each family and powerful emotions that are hard to discuss. While I still have reservations about Vivian, I loved reading about Lennie and Teresa, her mother as their relationship deepened and they realised they were on the same side. They were both there for each other when they need it the most.
And third, the story is about more than just Sandy’s grief reaction to her father’s death. It’s about her mother’s reaction. It’s about Lennie feeling the loss of the family she’s never known. And it’s about Theresa having to face the truth of her childhood, grieving the tragedy that befell her, and the secrets that everyone kept that prevented it from ending.
If I had a list of my top five favourite literary boyfriends, Dan would be on it. The literal boy-next-door, he is always there for Sandy, trying to support her and bring her out of her depression. What I liked best was that even when he realised he couldn’t pull Sandy out of her depression, he still stood by her. Not to talk, but just to provide a physical presence of comfort. Dan’s willingness to do so was more meaningful to Sandy than the interventions others tried to stage for her.
As Sandy sinks deeper and deeper into grief and depression, she finally reaches her breaking point in a nail-biting moment when readers aren’t quite sure if Sandy wants to live or not. But my favourite part was that she did end up making a decision, and it wasn’t because anyone rescued her, she did it for herself. Once she had made her choice, her friends were immediately there to support her and everything gets just a little bit better with more change and improvement to come.
One more thing, and then I will promise I will stop gushing. I love the use of the quotes Cummings includes by Robert Frost. Frost writes that when one is dying, they take a journey that others can’t accompany them on. I think he’s right, there is a certain point where the journey must be made alone, but until that point, the comfort of friends and family is essential, even if there is a bit of distance between the two. I’m glad Sandy realises that she did accompany her father as far as she could, because I’m confident he appreciated all of her love and care.
I love this book and it is one of my all-time favourites because it is a thoughtful exploration of overwhelming grief with well-drawn, vibrant characters.
Memorable Quotes:
“The blue of her bedroom began to soother her. Her father had painted the room a couple of years ago based on a small color chip that, to Sandy’s eye, had seemed rather pale and lifeless. She’d grow to love the color, and these last few weeks she’d stared at the watery walls, their calm pooling like a glassy pond around her. The surface would break and she would slip in, no ripple left on top. Sinking down into the pleasingly muffled depths, she found her way closer to him.” – Sandy from Somewhere in Blue by Gillian Cummings, page 49
“And Lennie understood then that grief didn’t just pass. It could creep up on your from behind, quietly on all fours, and place its paw on you for a while. Teresa had come through it and didn’t collapse when the paw occasionally pinned her down. Sandy had to get through it, too.” – Lennie from Somewhere in Blue by Gillian Cummings, page 78
“There was life around – shrieking seagulls, strollers wheeling in the sun, a big family clustered around a couple of picnic table, dogs chasing Frisbees, kids on a slide – but so much seemed to have changed. It wasn’t only Sandy’s loss that wove through them like a different-colored thread. There was another disheartening thread, one of doubt or fear, and it was hanging loose. – Lennie from Somewhere in Blue by Gillian Cummings, page 144
“Things were getting clearer in Lennie’s mind now. It wasn’t about the prom. It was more about feeling alone. If Sandy was moving away from her, she needed to do some moving of her own. Change lanes. And the direction was clear: it was Teresa she wanted to pass. She had to pull out from behind, zoom right by, and get out in front.” – Lennie from Somewhere in Blue by Gillian Cummings, pages 146-147
“And in the comfort of that hug, Sandy felt both consoled and engulfed. The hug bore in deep, down into her bones, and she felt him all through her. Moving slowly, Sandy held him, trying to stave it all off.” – Sandy from Somewhere in Blue by Gillian Cummings, page 192
“Watching the girls work with their wool, she considered her own unraveling and decided that it was like someone pulling out her knitting. Some days, Sandy lost only a few stitches at a time, with the wool being drawn slowly back out through one loop, then through another. Other days it was worse, as if her grandmother had to yank yards of wool from Sandy’s precious scarf-in-progress to get back down to where she’d made a mistake.” – Sandy from Somewhere in Blue by Gillian Cummings, pages 254-255
“‘… the nearest friends can go
With anyone to death, comes so far short
they might as well not try to go at all.’
She contemplated how far she had gone with her father. Questions wracked her: Had it been so far short that she shouldn’t have tried? And if it had been far short, why had it carried her so profoundly into his loss? To Sandy it felt like a long journey.” – Sandy reading a Robert frost quote from Somewhere in Blue by Gillian Cummings, page 257
“The next week, brilliant sunshine bathed the city. Lawns suddenly looked green and lush and always in need of mowing. Leaves swelled in the heat, and the canopy of maples and oaks transformed neighborhoods into shady bowers. Walking home from school in just a T-shirt, Lennie soaked in the warm sun.” – Lennie from Somewhere in Blue by Gillian Cummings, page 258
“‘No, from the time when one is sick to death,
One is alone, and he dies more alone.’
There were more lines and they sounded like her mother:
‘Friends make pretense of following to the grave,
But before one is in it, their minds are turned
And making the best of their way back to life
And living people, and things they understand.’
The words didn’t sound like Sandy. The things she understood were gone.” – Sandy from Somewhere in Blue by Gillian Cummings, page 298
“Vivian seized up inside. The chains tightened around her. And she understood that she could only break free by listening, by opening up to everything Sandy had to tell her, by acknowledging the terrible loss that separated them. She knew that her failings had found her and settled on her – and that she had to deal with them.” – Vivan from Somewhere in Blue by Gillian Cummings, pages 314-315
Somewhere in Blue by Gillian Cummings is published by Lobster Press, (2009).
Give Up the Ghost by Megan Crewe
Summary: Sixteen year-old Cass sees dead people. In fact, after she becomes a social outcast, she begins to prefer ghosts to the breathers who were formerly her friends. Being friends with ghosts has its advantages though, as they are willing to spy on the living and report back to her the deep, dark secrets of her classmates. As a result Cass becomes feared in the halls of her high school, as her approach usually means the revelation of something no one wants to talk about. When a classmate named Tim figures out Cass is getting her information from ghosts, he seeks her help in finding her dead mother, and she accepts, but only on a quid pro quo arrangement. Soon though, Cass’ defenses come down and she finds herself making friends with a breather again. And as he descends into grief, Cass might just be the only one who can help him.
Number of Pages: 241
Age Range: 13-14
Review: Cass is a paranormal version of Veronica Mars. The scorned teenager ejected from the popular crowd when her best friend gets jealous of her, and Cass uses the secrets given to her by her ghost friends to exact her revenge. No one can figure out how she’s finding and airing all of her classmates’ dirty laundry, and doing so just reinforces her outsider and loser status.
It was soon after Cass initially loses all of her friends that her older sister, Paige, drowns. Except while Cass thinks Paige has returned home from her high school prom and sees her crying in her room, Cass’ parents tell her there has been an accident and Paige is dead. Even though Cass and Paige aren’t particularly close at the time of Paige’s death, Paige’s spirit stays with Cass and Cass begins to see other spirits as well.
When Tim’s mother seems to ascend to the next plane of existence once she knows her son is going to be taken care of by Cass, I wanted to know more. Cass doesn’t know why the ghosts she sees and talks to are stuck on Earth, but when it came to her sister Paige, I think her unfinished business was Cass. In the face of being an outcast, Cass needed her sister more than ever, and on some level, Paige knew it. I wonder if Paige will ascend when Cass no longer relies on ghosts for friendship, or whether there actually was something else keeping her there.
Either way, Cass’ relationship with Paige was my favourite part of Give Up the Ghost. Cass’ reaction to her older sister’s death is eased by the fact that she still sees and talks to her everyday. In a way, Cass never lost her, but instead got back the sister of her youth who was devoted to her. I’m not sure how Cass will react when it ends, but I hope by that time Cass will be able to let Paige go.
Crewe’s book details Cass’ journey back to human connection again after being hurt and the death of her sister. Although it deals with death and grief, it’s a book for younger teen readers with a relatively happy ending.
Memorable Quotes:
“Remembering that, I felt a jab of annoyance at Tim. Why should he get handed to him what everyone else had to do without? Death was supposed to be difficult. Life was supposed to be difficult. It’d figured if even death bent over for this guy.” – Cass from Give Up the Ghost by Megan Crewe, page 65
“I hate it, I almost said. I hate that you can’t all just own up to what you’ve done. I hate that if I don’t do something about it, no one will. At that moment, I even hated the pain on her face. I hated that Paul had thought it better to fool around on her instead of just breaking up. I hated that I had been the one to tell her. It was all a sickening lurch in my stomach and a hollow ache in my chest.” – Cass from Give Up the Ghost by Megan Crewe, page 134
Give Up the Ghost by Megan Crewe is published by Henry Holt and Company, (2009).
As She Grows by Lesley Anne Cowan
Summary: Fifteen year-old Snow is mature beyond her years. Girlfriend of an eighteen year-old with his own apartment and caretaker of her grandmother who may have mental health issues but is definitely an alcoholic, she reaches her breaking point when her grandmother’s boyfriend tries to molest her in the middle of the night. For her own safety and protection, Snow moves into a group home and is determined to finish high school, until she learns the devastating news that she is pregnant. As her world slowly crumbles around her, she learns truths about her family history that leave her convinced her unborn daughter will face the same fate as Snow and her mother.
Number of Pages: 298
Age Range: 17-18
Review: Starting out as a responsible, serious, yet somewhat self-destructive character, Snow seems like she will be able to escape her grandmother’s poor parenting in the place of her dead mother. Moving to a group home may not be understood by others around her, but it was actually the best decision she could have made to protect herself. But when she finds out she is pregnant, everything changes. Her life spirals downward as Snow contemplates whether she wants to keep and raise her unborn baby, or if adoption is in the baby’s best interest.
Finding out the true nature of her own conception and birth, as well as Snow’s mother’s death doesn’t help matters. It’s all too much for one person to reasonably handle, and for one person and a baby, it’s simply overwhelming.
Snow’s essay about what a good mother was NOT was enlightening. Even though she didn’t know what a good mother was, she knew what a good mother wouldn’t do, unfortunately pretty much all of the things her grandmother had done while raising her. I admired Snow’s initial dedication to providing a different life for her daughter, but when Betty was born and Snow had no feeling for her I was deeply concerned. Are the right actions enough if there is no feeling or love behind them? Does love develop from going through the motions of parenthood? And if it doesn’t, will Snow end up resenting Betty instead of Snow’s prediction that Betty will resent her?
I liked Snow’s observations about how the focus shifted from her to her baby as soon as people found out she was pregnant. First the people supporting her at the group home missed the fact that she was pregnant for six months, and then the focus immediately switched from Snow to her unborn child. If Snow has any hope of being a good mother, she needs help to deal with her pain first so the cycle of bad parenting doesn’t start all over again, wounding the next generation.
It’s a challenging, sexually graphic read that won’t rest easy with readers. Cowen’s writing is skilled and vibrant, taking readers down into the depths of Snow’s depression and self-harm. I can’t decide whether Snow’s story will have a happy ending or not. Her cutting and lack of feeling for Betty suggests it won’t, but Children’s Aid involvement means maybe Snow will get the support and counselling she needs. I hope she does, because otherwise Betty seems to have a bleak future ahead of her.
Memorable Quotes:
“When we used to speak, a couple of years ago, we yelled. Elsie used to be on my case about every little thing. She used to give me a curfew that I’d always break and an allowance that I’d always waste on cigarettes the first day. She used to yell when I came home drunk and called friends’ parents if I didn’t come home at all. But now she says I can ruin my life if I want to, and she leaves me along. And it’s better that way. We stay out of each other’s business. I used to be in her life. Now I’m just in her apartment.” – Snow from As She Grows by Lesley Anne Cowan, page 9
“And so I have three voices: one in my head, one in my mouth, and one in my hands. Each speaks a different language, but it’s the voice in my head that matters most; the one that understands things. It’s in my head where I understand Elsie’s belief that the easiest place to lose yourself is in a bottle. It’s in my head where I find certain things depressing because I see myself in them, like a fountain in the rain or a running shoe on the highway. Only, my mouth doesn’t understand this language. It tries, but it confuses the vocabulary and things end up sounding simple or angry or dull.
My hands are the worst of all. My hands want nothing to do with me, they make no attempt to understand my mind. It’s as if they’re angry to be slaves to my thoughts and are determined to do their own thing. In class I look down at my pen, clutched between fingers, and feel as connected to my body as to the chair I’m sitting on.” – Snow from As She Grows by Lesley Anne Cowan, page 17
“‘I don’t understand,’ Hensley says, leaning over a desk too small for his body, his hands clasped as if in prayer. I figured if God was alive today, he’d be like Hensley: a slightly dishevelled, brilliant genius who occasionally forgets to wear socks in the more significant. Somebody you’d trust the fate of the world to, but you’re not so sure you’d let him drive your car.” – Snow from As She Grows by Lesley Anne Cowan, page 33
“We sit quietly for a few minutes. We have long pauses like this/ And I’ve come to like the,, but only here. Most people like to fill them with useless words, panicked at the edge of the silent hole. As if they would fall to their deaths if they didn’t quickly fill in the gap. But Eric likes these silences. He says they’re like mortar in brick walls, the thought between words. He says they make discussions substantial.” – Snow from As She Grows by Lesley Anne Cowan, page 136
“The words that come out of my mouth will be good-mother words. I will understand you. I will tell you to go ahead and cry if it’s over nothing because you don’t have to be a big girl until you are one. And I won’t throw the mashed potatoes against the wall if you don’t like them. And I won’t make you kneel on a cheese grater if you wet your bed, and I’ll agree that maybe it is the end of the world if you don’t find your purple crayon, because who’s to say it’s not?” – Snow from As She Grows by Lesley Anne Cowan, page 141
“How do you describe love, good love, to someone who has never known it? It’s like describing snow to someone who’s never seen it. How can you describe something that’s beautiful and ugly at once? Something you can both appreciate and resent. Something that’s cold but can feel so warm. How do you describe that love’s all about balance? Too little and it will melt away, too much and it will break you. Now, how do you describe all this if you yourself have never seen snow?
‘You don’t describe love,’ says Eric. ‘You give it.'” – Snow and Eric from As She Grows by Lesley Anne Cowan, page 226
“We sit a few moments in silence. I don’t even feel upset about it all. I don’t have the energy. There comes a point when you just feel nothing. When the shit is piled so high, whatever’s dumped after that just slips down the outside of you.” – Snow from As She Grows by Lesley Anne Cowan, page 258
As She Grows by Lesley Anne Cowan is published by Penguin Canada, (2003).
Scars by Cheryl Rainfield
Summary: Dealing with memories of being repeatedly raped without being able to identify the instigator, Kendra uses cutting to forget and relieve the emotional pain she feels. She turns to her art to express the turmoil going on inside, and when she meets and falls in love with Meghan, a girl from school, life seems to get a little better. Kendra’s counselor, family friend and teacher make up for the lack of parental support at home, but her abuser is stalking her, and old memories keep resurfacing. When the truth finally comes out, Kendra must rely on her support system and inner strength to see her through.
Number of Pages: 233
Age Range: 15-17
Review: It says on her website that Cheryl Rainfield writes the books she needed as teen and couldn’t find. Scars came out in 2010, long after I finished high school, but I wish I had read it back then, because I was also looking and not finding those books. Kendra’s thoughtful journey of coming to terms with the horrible things that have been done to her was relatable and powerful. Her writing is on level with Beth Goobie when it comes to tackling difficult topics with sensitivity, hope, and strong female characters.
Rainfield’s writing carries emotional depth and profound honesty, as well as the important message of the necessity of finding people who will support you unconditionally, whether they are family members or not. It took courage for Kendra to turn to others outside her family, and fortunately she was rewarded with support for her efforts.
I loved so many aspects of Scars, as you can probably tell from the Memorable Quotes section where I feel like I have copied down at least half the book. I loved the art and how it’s a part of Kendra’s self-expression. I loved the conversations and musings about physical and emotional scars, and I loved that Kendra gets to experience love (also emotionally and physically) in a way that fits for her, with another girl.
A kick-ass girl who sets fires and takes names no less; supporting and loving Kendra without judgement when she needs it the most. In short, Kendra’s girlfriend Meghan is an awesome character. I understood what Rainfield’s writing demonstrates about pain recognizing pain, and I was happy that Meghan and Kendra were both able to provide solace for each other.
There was one thing that nagged at me though. Kendra told her parents that she had been raped on a regular basis when she was a child, and I thought it would have been pretty easy to figure out who did it, based on a process of elimination. They would have been able to determine who had the most access to her, who was alone with her, and therefore who was abusing her. I suppose they weren’t really interested in finding out, but they could have if they wanted to, it shouldn’t have been the mystery it appeared to be.
I know some will read Scars to gawk at it, having no personal experience with scars, abuse, pain, or cutting. But I’m okay with that, because Rainfield’s writing is solid and I am confident that readers will still take something life-affirming and strengthening away from their reading experience. And everyone can use that.
Memorable Quotes:
“She crosses her arms over her chest and turns to look at Mr. Blair. And I see her like a painting in my mind – a narrow, lonely figure leaning up against dented grey lockers, her face defiant yet vulnerable, the sadness trapped inside her.
But I wouldn’t paint it like that. I’d paint her bandaged and bleeding, stumbling alone over the rubble of the hall, sharp slabs of the floor poking up to block her way, with smoldering lockers lying across her path – and nothing visible at the end of the smoke-filled hall.” – Kendra from Scars by Cheryl Rainfield, page 25
“I need painting almost as much as I need cutting maybe more. Because if I couldn’t paint, I’d be a girl without a mouth. I say things through painting that I can’t say any other way. It’s how I pull up hidden truths, express the pain that I hide from others. But when things are really bad, it’s only my utility knife that releases the screams inside me.” – Kendra from Scars by Cheryl Rainfield, page 28
“My mouth tastes like metal. What a choice: make myself feel better or put my family into debt. I know what I have to do.” – Kendra from Scars by Cheryl Rainfield, pages 46-47
“Artists show so much through their art – and not always consciously. We show things in our choices of color or lack of it; in what we decide to paint; and even in our brush strokes – like the way my mom’s are so controlled while mine are so fluid. Art is like a printout of my soul, showing all the things I can’t say. And if he’s near me still, if he’s watching me, he already knows that.” – Kendra from Scars by Cheryl Rainfield, pages 55-56
“Another excuse. You can see when someone’s been hurt like I was. It’s obvious. Something changes in their eyes; pain becomes their center, even when they try to hide it. Like Meghan’s eyes; I know my eyes have it, too. There’s no way to miss it; it almost hurts to see.
I told them in so many ways: jumping at everyone’s touch, keeping quiet to avoid too much attention, and hiding my body in loose clothes. Even my art screamed for help. I don’t believe she didn’t see it. Didn’t want to see it – now that, I believe.” – Kendra from Scars by Cheryl Rainfield, page 84
“‘I almost envy you your scars,’ Meghan says. ‘They’re something visible, something you can point to, to show how much you hurt. Something that lasts longer than a bruise. I don’t have that.’
‘I never thought about it that way,’ I say slowly. ‘I guess they’re like the marks he never left on my skin.’
Meghan runs her fingers over my scars again. No one’s ever touched them before. No one’s ever seen them, except me. It doesn’t feel as shameful as I thought it would. It almost feels like a relief, to have someone know – and to have that person not judge me.” – Conversation between Meghan and Kendra from Scars by Cheryl Rainfield, page 140
“I pull her back to me, press her close. This is the first time someone has touched me that I haven’t felt his hands on me instead. The first time it’s actually felt beautiful. Maybe he’s finally lost his power over me.” – Kendra from Scars by Cheryl Rainfield, page 160
“‘I just want you to try to do other things instead, if you can. Your body’s been through so much abuse: it doesn’t deserve to be punished more. You don’t deserve this abuse, this repeated threat to your life.’ – Carolyn from Scars by Cheryl Rainfield, page 178
“But it isn’t over, not really. I’ll have more memories to face, more feelings I don’t want to feel. But now I know who he is, and this time I won’t be alone. And this time, I know I’ll be safe.
‘You’re so much stronger than I am,’ Mom says.
I don’t argue with her; it’s true.” – Kendra from Scars by Cheryl Rainfield, page 226
“I’ll probably never know if I’d have been drawn to cutting if he hadn’t taught me how to use it to keep me silent. I don’t think it was always just me repeating the abuse or being under his control. My cutting was about trying to deal with more pain than I could handle. I’ve got other ways of dealing with it now, ways to get the comfort I need that don’t come from the edge of a blade.
I catch myself staring at my arm sometimes, trying to figure out which scars were the first – the ones he made me cut. But I don’t wonder for very long; I really don’t want to know.
Other times, I look at my scars and see something else: a girl who was trying to cope with something horrible that she should never have had to live through at all. My scars show pain and suffering, but they also show my will to survive. They’re a part of my history that’ll always be there.
And now, sometimes I don’t bother hiding the scars. I just let them show, even though I get stares, rude comments, and questions from strangers. I figure I’ve already gone through the worst; getting stared at isn’t that big of a deal.” – Kendra from Scars by Cheryl Rainfield, pages 230-231
“Like Kendra, I don’t know if I would have turned to cutting as a form of coping if I hadn’t been taught to do it. But I know that although cutting hurt me, it also helped me survive.
I also know that none of us deserves to be hurt, that it’s important to treat ourselves gently, and that we need to surround ourselves with loving people who can mirror that love back to us. I hope you’ll find ways to get support and comfort, to be gentle with yourself, and to take good care of yourself.” – Cheryl Rainfield from the Author’s Note in Scars by Cheryl Rainfield, page 234
Scars by Cheryl Rainfield is published by WestSide Press, (2010).
About Amy
Amy Mathers has been passionate about reading from a very young age, and hopes others will share her enthusiasm for funding a teen book award. Read more Follow Amy
Sponsors
